I wanted to write an article about learning how to ski this winter. A straight forward how-to guide with a list of gear I needed to get started and where I went skiing. Maybe this is something I will write about in the future, however, this felt inauthentic to my experience and motivations to learn. 

I hit a tough period of my life this winter while navigating grief after the loss of a loved one. Not only was I overwhelmed with the profound sadness of loss, but also with a sense of deep anxiety. I was working to take care of myself and show up for those also experiencing this loss. However, I often overthought any space I took up with my emotions, and became apologetic and self conscious. I slipped further from the person I wanted to be: someone who is optimistic, adventurous, and connected to myself and my community. I found myself looking for distraction or a goal, but since it was winter, the days were shorter and my life was slower. While I spent time with those I loved, I also felt the isolation that comes with winter in the city. 

In this time of loss and confusion, I thought back to my previous job as an intervention worker at a community center in Montreal. My colleague and I led an outdoor program for the youth coming to the center, particularly those who were experiencing difficult periods in their lives. 

We led outdoor challenges like canoe camping and winter backpacking where we focused on building self confidence and resilience. By learning new skills, the people in the program learned to challenge their own ideas of what they could and couldn’t accomplish. This program focused on healing by spending time in nature and engaging with others in physical and mental challenges during times of personal difficulty. My work in this program reinforced what I had always known to be true for myself: it is incredibly healing to spend time outside. 

I knew that this winter was the perfect time to rebuild my connection to myself and others by trying something outside and challenging myself. I needed a goal to work towards and a goal to look forward to that got me outside. I wanted to be comfortable learning something from a very beginner level, to be bad at something. I had always been curious about skiing, but had only skied twice in my life, once with my sisters in 2011 and once with friends in 2021. 

I had always wanted to ski more, but price was a huge barrier. Just one day can cost a few hundred dollars in rentals and ski passes. After budgeting and saving, I was able to afford the gear I needed, but recognize this isn’t the case for everyone. While skiing was the activity that helped me face grief, any time outdoors can be beneficial. At the end of the article, I list other types of outdoor activities that are less expensive or at no cost at all!Of all winter sports I had tried before, hiking was my favorite. So when researching different types of skiing, I was immediately drawn to backcountry skiing (or ski touring). Instead of using a ski lift, you hike up a mountain on your skis and then ski down. This felt much more aligned with how I like to spend time in nature, among the trees and in the quiet of the mountains.

Luckily, my boyfriend and many of his friends love backcountry skiing. I was excited to spend our time doing something fun together even in times of grief. I trusted him to be a good teacher and knew that he would be patient with me as I learned. He could also teach me about safety when backcountry skiing, which is essential. In the backcountry, ski patrol is less available to help in an emergency than in resort skiing.

Before I got started, I made commitments to myself and my process of learning how to ski. I knew that this could be fun, but I would have to be comfortable with it being difficult and at times scary. I promised myself: 

• I will be bad and I can’t be hard on myself.
• I will be patient with the process and always open to learn.
• I will feel scared and I need to acknowledge that and go anyway.
• I will not let myself be embarrassed when I fall or mess up and learn from it.

Learning to ski was intimidating and difficult, but it made me feel strong and capable of trying something new. It certainly helped me reconnect with myself and be present. I had to focus on understanding my gear, reading the terrain while climbing, and moving my body in new ways to climb and descend. I loved the snow covered trees and conversations I had as we climbed, followed by the adrenaline of descending. 

While I picked up on how to climb fairly quickly, I definitely struggled with how to ski down. I could feel my heart pounding every time I changed my gear from hike to ski mode and looked at the hill ahead of me. I loved gliding down the mountain for as long as I could, but inevitably fell and laughed until my boyfriend came to help me up. I tried my best to stay positive even when I was embarrassed or hurt after a fall, because my ski days were much better if I smiled, stayed optimistic, and tried again. I definitely improved, learned, and built up my courage.

I loved that skiing gave me something to look forward to. I was always excited to plan which park we would try next. It was great to try new trails and see new parts of Quebec. I loved that learning from my boyfriend made me feel more connected to him. Skiing left us with great memories of this winter, despite how heavy our lives felt. While it was scary to ski with my boyfriend’s friends at first, it was so fun to get to know them better and learn from them. There is a sense of community and connection in sharing knowledge, experiences, and learning from others.  I am so thankful I took a chance and learned to ski this winter.

If you would like to make your own personal outdoor goal to help you through a tough time, I would start planning by asking yourself four questions.

• What can I reasonably add to my schedule right now?
• What gear, if any, is within my budget?
• Do I want this to be a goal I complete by myself or with someone else?
• What is the easiest way for me to travel regularly?

You should plan something you can reasonably achieve. Your goal can be something local that needs no gear or travel. You could go to the park in your neighborhood once a week and do an activity, whether it’s walking, stretching, reading, doing a craft, or an activity you enjoy. You could also run in a nearby park, which only requires proper running shoes. In Montreal, we have so many green spaces within the city which are accessible by foot or public transit. If you want to hike on a mountain but cannot get out of the city, try exploring the smaller walking and biking paths on Mont Royal. 

If ever you want to make a goal, but do not know where to start, please don’t hesitate to reach out. I am always happy to brainstorm an outdoor challenge with you.